So the years passed and my life went in places that I'm not entirely happy with I was not a happy young person. If you've been following my blog for a while you will know that I self harmed for years and I hit rock bottom 10 years ago.
My body has scars on almost every part of it. I will never try to cover or remove them because they re part of me and how I got to where I am now.
A couple of years ago we discovered the musician Jonathan Coulton. If you've not heard of him go listen to some of his stuff right now, I'll wait. It's nerdy and fabulous. Through him and the awesome cruise he does we met a ridiculous amount of amazing people. People we could call our tribe. People who helped both myself and Black Pig become truly comfortable in our own skins. People we consider friends now.
One of JoCo's songs is A Talk with George. It's about George Plimpton. You've not heard it? What did I say about listening to his stuff. Go now, I'll have a cuppa.
You're back? Good song isn't it? It's not my favourite. That would be Always the Moon. Yes I'll wait while you go listen to that one. You could just set it all playing while you read this you know! But A Talk with George is amazing. It's about living your life to the fullest.
I hate that the world seems to feel that if you are not constantly pushing on and up you're not making the most of your life. I work in retail. I love it. It's a wool shop and I'm constantly helping people to create new things and to learn new stuff. I'm in a great relationship with a wonderful stepchild. I have awesome cats. Sure I'm not changing the world on a massive scale. But if I can make one person smile and find one bit of joy in every day then I consider myself happy. If I live for another 40 years that is approximately 14600 smiles and bits of joy. What the heck more could I want out of life.
So back to the song. The last 4 lines are amazing. They make me cry on a regular basis. Usually hopeful tears of joy. They are a call to arms. A wake up siren to each of us. They are words to live your life by.
Don't live another day unless you make it count.
There's someone else that you're supposed to be.
Something deep inside of you that still wants out.
And shame on you if you don't set it free.
I laid on the tattoo chair looking at my husband while a lovely man called Tom (Thou Art in Sheffield. Totally recommend them!) permanently etched those words onto my skin in between some scars from my past. About halfway through Pumped up Kicks by Foster the People came on. Now I don't particularly like the song but it's one my step daughter sings all the time. And that was what made me well up. How freaking different my life is now to when I was carving the scars onto my leg that the tattoo goes around. How far I have come. And how god damn happy I am now. I live these words every day and I hope you all will too.
So thanks once again to Jonathan Coulton for the beautiful words. They mean so very much to me.