Sunday, 10 November 2013

NaBloPoMo - Obsessive

I have an obsessive personality. I fall in love with things quickly, hard and completely. I focus on them with an intensity that borders on the insane. I do this with almost all things. Songs, books, films, songs, food, people. I fall in love so hard that these things break my heart. They rip it out and leave be broken and then I fix myself only for it to happen all over again.

It wasn't something I was aware of until I went backpacking after university with a friend. We were in Florance and up on the little plaza over looking the city where there is a replica David an artist had set out some work to sell. I can't remember the technique he had used but the work was wonderful. There was one picture I fell in love with and I got quite sad that I couldn't take it with me. Too big for the backpack you see. One of the guys we were with told me I fell in love to easily.

He was right.

But this is an essential part of who I am. It's the reason I cry at books. It's the reason I wandered around the house for 10 minutes feeling bereft until Black Pig made me hot chocolate after reading the Rama series. It's the reason I feel a swelling in my heart when I see a good sunset, a beautiful building or something so old it boggles the brain. It's the reason I can listen to a song 5 times a day every day until it no longer speaks to me.

It's the reason I never really tried drugs. That way madness lies.

I feel joy and anger and hopelessness keenly and I shift between emotions quickly. I don't think I have ever stopped loving someone though I may have fallen out of love with them. I try not to hate or feel envy as I do these just as intently and it's not worth it.

I love the little details more than the big picture.

1 comment:

  1. You are lucky. I don't fall in love easily. I am reserved with my feeling often coming off as cold until someone sneaks past my walls then I am devoted. This doesn't apply yo books...books I fall in live with quickly.

    Visiting from NaBloPoMo..happy writing.