Thursday, 7 January 2010

Everyone has dreams

When I was younger all I wanted to do was be a doctor. As I got older I wanted to be a teacher. My hidden desire for many years was to be a photographer. I went into training in a call centre as a substitute for teaching. But none of these things stayed with me for long. I was not one of those people who knows what they want to do with their lives and that's it. I had the traditional goals of marriage, children and a career but nothing more fixed than that. And, as with most women, all of these vague goals were to be achieved before I turned 30.

I am now 9 days away from my 28th birthday. So let's look at my 3 goals.
Career: I don't have one and don't really want one anymore. I am working towards a homestead/farm. In an ideal world I will be able to give up any "normal" job and the farm will sustain us.
Marriage: Hopefully one day. Me and Spadger have talked about it so it's just a matter of time. He says the proposal has to top the first date which is a bit of a tall order so we'll see.
Children: Me and Spadger aren't procreating. I'm sure there is another post in that somewhere. However he has a beautiful daughter that I am proud to say calls me her Stepmother. I have a ready made family with out having to go through labour, sleepless nights and nappies. Can't put a price on that really.

I wonder if there is anything more to life than these 3 goals. Once I would have said no. Now I'm not so sure. What is truly important in life? I am far beyond the belief that the latest phone, newest clothes and biggest house will bring me happiness. The consumer rat race is not for me. So what will bring me happiness? The Buddhist view point is that happiness comes from your own perceptions of everything.

Seeking happiness outside ourselves is like waiting for sunshine in a cave facing north.
Tibetan saying

I would be lying if I said that not reaching any of these goals would not make me unhappy. However I choose now to live my life one day at a time and try to find myself lying in bed each evening happy with how my day went. I don't see how I can do anymore.

If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion.
His Holiness the Dalai Lama

This is something I think we have forgotten how to do. We no longer live in small communities and with greater amounts of disposable income than our ancestors had we seem to be finding less and less reason to help each other. Do you know the names of your neighbours? We do. Not many people can say the same though. On one side of us we have had several different tenants and the only ones we have known the names of are the owners, who are back in at the moment, and the lovely Polish people who were there when we moved in. No one else really made the effort to talk back to us. The little girl from next door came round to borrow a shovel the other day to clear their path of all the snow and it got me thinking. I can't remember the last time I would have felt comfortable asking a neighbour to borrow anything. How awful is that? We are becoming so insular and loosing touch with our communities.

Jenna at Cold Antler Is having a bit of a tough time at the moment. The sheer level of response from the Bloggosphere makes me glad that there is still some kind of community feeling in the world. Even if it is in a very widespread global way.

Wow so that was a bit of a ramble. How I got from the goals of most women pre-30 to community spirit I'm not sure. Ah well, you guys signed to to look into my butterfly mind :o)

So today I entreat you to say hello to the people you pass on the street, make the effort to become involved with your community and revel in the glorious feeling of connecting with your fellow man.

And just for AngelMC here are some more snowy pics :o) Kristen the place you mentioned in yesterdays pics is Kirkstall abbey. It's a 12th century Cistercian abbey that is 10 mins from my house.

This is the canal by our house. It's frozen solid with snow on it. Man the ducks we're disgruntled


  1. Strange how our goals weather the years, isn't it? I just hit 29, back in November, and my life is completely different than I had envisioned ten years ago. Couldn't be happier with the odd direction it has taken, though.

    And I looked up Kirkstall Abbey: gorgeous. I think the oldest historical monument in my neighborhood is a used furniture store in a converted pre-Civil War era house.

  2. Your post made me think about my 25th birthday and how unhappy I was. I was happy with my career as a nurse, but my personal life was in shambles. I figured that I would be happily married with a least one child by then...but that was not to be. I'm now 54 and happily married, with 2 grown stepchildren that consider me their mother, and they have blessed me with 7 grandchildren. David and I are living in our dream house and have wonderful friends and a very good life. Oh and not to forget the puppy girls that are snuggled in the bed with me right now. Yes life is very good indeed.
    And the snow pictures....sigh...they are absolutely dreamy...sigh....